Mommy’s World

August 23rd is a big day for my little princess…….It’s her first day of school. Yup, she is in kindergarten now……….how time has passed…….!

I put her early to bed the night before. Just wanna make sure she had a good start. I didn’t want to rush her or anything…….I want a quiet morning for all of us….

Her father was trying to find old video tapes. I guessed he felt a little bit of emotion, too. He wanted to rewind our memories…..

I sat beside him after I made hot chocolate for both of us. What a quiet night. Everyone was asleep and it was only 8:30 pm. "This is heaven…", I thought…..

We watched the videos one by one……….My Gosh………I couldn’t believe how fast the kids grew.

I gave her a big hug and lots of kisses before she steped on that orange bus. "Becareful Nabila…," I whispered. "Be good, Ok?"…."I love you". I was not  sure she can hear me……It’s okay……She must feel so excited!! She has been waiting to be on that bus since she was 3:) I’m sure this is her moment….!!

It was hard to see her go……..She was always with me these passed years….

To let someone take care of her….., even if it’s only 3 hours a day.. it’s a little tough for me right now….:)

I know…., it’s only been one day…that’s why it’s so hard. I’m sure it will get easier…….:)

Nabila,………this is it. This is the beginning of a journey. It’s not always sweet……..It could hurt you, even.

Be strong Nabila…

Be Yourself……..

Be a good friend….be a good role model……..

May Allah watches over you…………………….

Ya Allah…., aku sering lupa…..lupa akan nikmat-Mu yang tiada henti……

Ya Allah…., aku sering lupa…..lupa bahwa hidup hanyalah sementara

Ya Allah…., aku sering lupa…..lupa akan kewajibanku pada-Mu

Ya Allah, Yang Maha Besar…….

Terima kasih atas segala karunia-Mu……..Begitu banyak Ya Allah…..begitu besar…….

Namun, aku sering lupa menghitungnya………, sampai Kau tegur aku…

Sadarkah aku ya Allah……..?

Masihkah ada waktu ya Allah…….?

Aku harus lebih baik ya Allah………Beri aku waktu…..

Ya Allah.., Engkau Maha Pengampun, Engkau Maha Penyayang….., Engkau Maha Pemberi Rahmat.

Ampuni hamba-Mu ini……….

It’s hard to describe how I felt when I found out about you…

A bit of everything….., confuse, happy, excited…..But, a news of a new baby is always a happy news for me…..

How can you’re not being happy for a new little one, right?? It always a blessing.

We were so excited…, we were dreaming about you. Your Kakak and Mas already "plan" that you were a girl. They said they don’t  want another boy. One Saif is enough:). They want someone cuter…and sweeter . Saif has becomed to rough for them..:). Though, I thought he is the sweetest thing….

Nabila and Faris even had a name for you…."Sarah". I think it’s a very beautiful name……:)

Well, today I found out that you are not with me anymore……I felt so sad…..so helpless. Inalillahi wa innalillahi roji’un. I realized Allah knows the best. I think I’m gonna be OK. I should be OK. I know I’m a strong girl..:)

But, I still felt the emptyness right now. I know It’s hasn’t been long since you were in my womb…but I do feel the lost……. It’s seem someone wake me up from a good dream. Don’t wanna wake up yet. I tried to go back to my dream..but I can’t. That’s how I feel right now…

Kakak Nabila and Mas Faris were feeling a little bit sad. They don’t inderstand why Allah "took" you. Don’t worry. They’ll be fine. They were already busy with their toys now…..:)

I thank you so much for our short acquintance. You did make me a better person. You made me calmer, more patience,and more happy. Cause I know babies can feel their mom’s feeling when they were in the womb. So, ever since I had you I tried to be more positive.

Good Bye "little soul"………, It’s been wonderful to have you with me……!!!